jamesmb, hi...
Thank you for asking this question. Many of us have grappled with this for a very long time.

The following is only my experience;
I grew up believing that my lot in life was to be abused in many ways. It was not until I left that hellhole that I saw things in a different way.
The denomination does not matter, but the "God" of my childhood was akin to a granddaddy in a long flowing robe of white with the intention of making people suffer...whenever he/she/it wanted to do so..
"She pissed me off 'cause she didn't say enough prayers on Tuesday so I'm gonna give her cancer/heart attack/auto accident and show her who is boss." In other words if you didn't do things/anythings in the correct manner you were in for a helluva bad time.

As I grew up and away from that thinking, I asked that question many times in a rage.
It was not until I observed and absorbed different spiritual paths that I learned there were different ideas about what "God" was and wasn't...
The God I was raised with, the demanding and punishing one was gently replaced with Loving Presence. Now I mostly follow the Native American spiritual path...

This Loving Presence was with me always, giving me strength and courage. This Presence was not responsible for the actions of others--they made decisions that hurt me, and others, and very nearly destroyed me.
Their actions were not commandments from "God."

I believe the things that kept me going during that terrible time were gifts, small in nature but with powerful medicine.
Wild strawberries eaten with delight when I was hungry, the
dogs on the front porch who kept me warm when I was locked out of the house for "being bad", the sight of wildflowers climbing the hills...Books. I lived for the days when the library was open and I could read them. In a simple way the contents of those books eased me into self-respect. The beginning of the knowledge that I was not a bad little girl, but I was in a bad situation.

I'm ancient and have had time to learn and grow and lose the fear of a vindictive God...
Over the years, and with the help of a good therapist, I've been able to see many things did keep me going and kept me strong...so there was something that was giving me gifts.
I do not believe in coincidence. I do not think an angel should have come to the back door with a powerful message of hope or one of meanness.

Is there punishment of some kind waiting for my abusers when they cross over? Hell if I know. What I do know is that they lived in hell when they were alive...

What I also know is there were infusions of beauty and simple pleasures that made life tolerable for me. I did not survive on my own. No "God" stood by and enjoyed my suffering.
A Loving Presence walked with me.
Please understand that it took me some time before I stopped blaming their God for their actions. It also took time for me to understand that my Loving Presence/Great Mystery was weeping right along with me, our tears mixed together.

It initially frightened me when I strayed from the traditional path of waiting for punishment.
I jumped for joy when it did not come.
I wept when I understood that no God put me through any tests of faith.
It had been easier for me to blame this God and not hold my abusers responsible for their actions.

Some people see terrible things on the news and wonder why this God allows these things to happen...it has come to my mind about the people of Darfur, a mind-boggling catastrophe. The only thing that allows such things to happen are human beings, those who are actively slaughtering the innocents, those who stand by/remain silent while it continues.

Long reply and for this I offer my apology.
It was an absolute must for me to make the journey from what was killing me inside to opening my heart to the goodness around me...and in me.

Cap