Hi there Wants,

Oh how sad I am feeling reading your posts about your mother. It takes me back to last September with my mother, getting mad at her because she wouldn't have another Doctors opinion on the lymphedema caused from the radiation & surgery that removed the lymph nodes. Asking her if she wanted to be in a wheel chair for the rest of her life with legs the size of tree stumps. Then realizing that she was going down hill & that she had actually defined the end of her life by ignoring herself until the cancer was stage IV. I am now the adult orphan that I wasn't ready for. And she ended up putting me through situations that never should have happened if she hadn't been so selfish. I tried so hard to allow her the independence she wanted & got hurt in the process along with being accused of elderly abuse to her.

It is really sad because I CAN'T look back & say SHE WAS MY MOM & I LOVE HER. All I see it the grief & terror she put me through. The way she took everything she didn't want to hear personally & either attack or ignore because of it. I didn't have any family to help me through this time & thought how wonderful it would be to have had someone to pool thinking, decisions, & support. I could be very wrong looking at your situation...maybe it is best to be the only one since I wouldn't have wanted to fight with anyone else.

I am sorry to have brought me into this except it is larger than life inside me for the past 6 months & it kinda triggered what is there already.

I do hope you have an easier time negotiating with your Mother & can get her to come to her senses. If your brother doesn't want to be there for her, that is his issue, not yours. Maybe you are better off without him & it might make things simpler for you in the long run. If you don't put any expactations on him, then he might plesantly surprise you, or not. I do hope that your Mother can come out of the situation she is in, but the selfishness in smoking is probably not the only place that personality shows up. I am sure that LOVE you feel for her will really help you out in the long run also.

Take care of yourself above all.....if you would like to PM ever, I am here....not that I am much help other than how not to do it.
Debbie