Last night I had a huge fight with my husband. This was our first huge fight, since we got married (8 months ago). I don't know exactly how or why this started but out of nowhere he started to ask me the last time I spoke with my ex. I was honest and said that I spoke to him, on aol instant messenger, a few months ago. He then started grilling me...how often do you talk to him, what do you talk to him about etc. This came out of nowhere and I was so confused but I answered all his questions honestly. I only talk to him occassionally and only via AIM, no phone or email contact. He asked me why I didn't tell him about it and I said that I didn't realize he wanted to know every time(I had mentioned it in the past). My husband does not have a jealous bone in his body (or so I thought) and I couldn't understand why he was so upset. I told him that I could either tell him everytime i spoke to my ex, or just stop talking to my ex altogether if it bothered him so much. He was still so pissed and really started to go off on me....I still don't understand why since I offered to cut off communication. I brought up the fact that he is in contact with ex and he claims its different because a) they broke up long before me b)i've met her c) my ex cheated on me, so I shouldn't want to have anything to do with him (my ex cheated on me with my cousin, really bad I know!!!)

My husband asked why I thought it was ok to be friends with my ex even though I never talk to my cousin....I said it was because when I found out about it my ex admitted it and later apologized. As for my cousin, she refused to admit it (said they were just friends) and she never apologized. In fact she got pissed that i told the rest of our family.

I know this may sound crazy but I am thankful (now) that he cheated. If he didn't we may have continued our relationship and I never would have been with my current husband.

There are a few reasons that I stay in contact with him....but mostly (I know this is bad) but I like to rub in that I am so happy in my new life. I try not to make it obvious, but I like him to know that I have moved on to better things. Also, I am nosey and I can get info about him and my cousin. I know I shouldn't care what they do, but I cant help but be curious.

My husband is now blowing this so out of proportion and saying he cant trust me, etc. I would just try and take one for the team, take the blame and say sorry so that we can move on, but I just cant. I don't like being accused of being dishonest when I haven't been and also I now feel like I can't trust him because I think he went through my stuff and even got into my facebook account. I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me or that I can't trust.

I love my husband more than words can express and maybe I am totally wrong in this situation and just dont see it. I would like to get objective opinions/advice since I have no idea what to do to smooth this over.
I have NEVER seem him this pissed before and he is usually very calm.

My mom said that she thinks that he jealous (not in general but just of this one ex because we had been together so long) This may be true but what can I do about that? We met as adults and I had a life before I met my husband, I've never hidden that. He can't be angry with me for that???

I'm sorry this is so long but I really needed to get this out.

Any advice is appreciated.