Emilyjeanne,

When I fell into clinical depression, I went to my friend first for advice and help, rather than go to a therapist. When my friend told me she felt I needed professional help, then I started seeing my therapist. But I continued to meet with my friend to discuss my issues and what was happening in my therapy. At the time, I didn't realize that what I was doing would be like "therapy " with my friend. I just thought she was listening and helping support me with my problems. Now, though, I realize that it was too much to put on her shoulders.

I have talked to my therapist about my friend and why I got so attached to her. At the time I got attached, I didn't know why I was drawn so strongly to her. But now that I've been in therapy awhile, I realize that I have alot of unmet needs from childhood. When she began listening to me and trying to help me, it triggered the part of me that never felt close to my mom as a child. And all the memories of times I'd been in pain and faced traumatic events as a kid without receiving support or comfort from my parents. By listening to me, caring, and feeling protective of me, my friend was giving me what I'd never had as a child, and as a result, I got very attached. She was 15 years older than me, just a few years younger than my mom. I began loving her like she was a mom to me.

My t and I have been talking about and trying to work through the issues I have from my childhood. But I find it really painful and have to take it slow. Now that I know I gravitate toward certain types of older women who trigger the needy child part of me, I want to be careful not to repeat what happened with my friend. I don't think it is likely because, even though the unmet needs are still strong, things ended so badly with my friend and it hurt so much, I am not likely to open up to anyone that way again.