To me it sounds like you need someone who is a professional to speak with, someone who can tell you that life can be good...not letting one dictate the way you live yours....I hope you find someone that can make you feel better about yourself....there are lot's of support groups and counselers...pdocs and sort that are there to help...people here at pc who care....and are willing to talk and help you throuigh the tough times. Take care...other people do care....