Hi littlelori,

I'm sorry for the pain your family causes you. I've felt the same way. I've wanted to so much for our family to heal and become friendly and supportive. Two of my siblings are in AA and three of us have all been in counseling for various things. I kept hoping we'd all "get better" and eventually be able to be loving and supportive to each other. But that has not happened.

I found/find myself having to choose between spending time with them and feeling neglected, invalidated and sometimes out right abused. Or I could stay away and feel hurt and angry as they spent time together and seemed to get along fine.

Over the years I have gone more and more with just not spending time with them, it's less painful and I feel better about myself the less time I spend around them. So I'm still grieving the loss of the illusion of "my family." I say illusion because family implies positive feelings of love, support, understanding and concern, at least to me. I've never gotten that. So it's the loss of a dream I really feel sad about ending. Reality is I will never fit in or be accepted in my family. I would have to deny too much of me, of who I am, to ever fit in with them. I'm no longer willing to do that.

But yes, they are my family and I care about them. I don't wish them ill nor am I consumed by resentment towards them. They are sick people like me. But for me to stay well and get better I need to stay away from them.