You are afraid to use the phone because he might go through the records, but would you be able to make a call from somewhere else? I agree with kt, you are hurting and need an outlet. 3 1/2 years, wow, great job. I think you coming back here is great too. Please don't think you are "using people" here when you need and want help. I wish you could talk to your husband about what you feel and even more I wish he could understand. One more day, you can do it. If you need a voice of assurance and can get to a phone somewhere, do it...