I'm so sorry about what you've been going through. Just this week I realized after being off medication that I will probably have to take it for the rest of my life, which is something I am ambivalent about.

But my brain is wicked to myself, and I have to remind myself that I am way too hard on me. Looks to me that you are feeling the same.

I've been depressed my whole life too. My mother was abusive and for a while I had no support until my parents divorce. I also had some stuff happen to me too that left me angry and extremely cynical about the quality of life getting better, but I have to remember those that care about me. I think having a good support system helps a lot.

I really feel for you and hope you start feeling better soon. I understand, and so many others do too. We all have a story, and some of us need help coping with ours. But there are those who care, and if you ever wanna email, please do.

I'm 37 and have been suffering from diagnosed depression since 2003.