thanks goofygirl and sj....(((((gratefulhugs)))))
though it scares me to ask her, I hope to try. I see her again on Tuesday. I see my therapist inbetween. So I can discuss it with her first.

Its good to feel a bit more recognised by my manager...but it also feels vulnerable because I am exploring such deep and early issues and feelings right now (pre-birth and newborn) that I just need to focus on me and who I am as an individual, with my history.

I've had a lot of scrambled brain think over *labels*, I don't have a formal diagnosis, don't see a psychiatrist, just my GP, and my therapist who I see privately.
Depression, that's clear. So far so true.

My therapist isn't into labels...

And whilst I can be seen as Borderline in the classical analytic way.....I don't have a huge issue with impulsivity, don't have relationships rather than unstable ones, and I have stopped physically self harming---I only did it mildly in the first place.

I DO have issues with Abandonment/Separation Anxiety, Emptiness, Loneliness, Depression, Unbearable Rage, Dissociation, Unstable sense of self, Splitting/Projection...all of which I am working with.

*humph*
I don't want or need a diagnosis (least of all by my manager) I want and need to be seen and recognised for who I am as a human being.

I sound angry...hmm.....no offence to those with diagnoses....
And if the framework of something helps my manager to know how to be with me, then great....perhaps that's how I need to approach her with it, rather than ask outright about Borderline....
say something like "After our conversation on Saturday I thought that maybe you were wondering how best to be with me, that knowing what the matter is with me might help you? I don't have a diagnosis as such apart from depression, and there are lots of diagnoses that can easily apply to me in part.
I'm willing to give you an idea of what my major challenges are, and to tell you how they affect me at work and what I am doing to manage them."

I could list things like-
*Hyper-sensitivity to criticism-- I prefer not to be told things in public/in front of others. I also need to hear the positive to balance out any problems.
*Physical vulnerability--Sometimes I cannot bear anyone too near to me physically, at those times can I do something that doesn't involve public contact and gives me my own space.
*Tiredness--Does it bother anyone when I yawn all the time at the counter?
*I already refer a customer to another member of staff on those rare occasions when I feel overwhelmed by a difficult customer.
On the whole my work is not adveresely affected by my emotional vulnerabilities, and awareness of these points on her part should help iron out the last wrinkles...

That's the main things.
Perhaps I could set it out informally in a letter to her that would make it smoother for me---I get very anxious and then miss out things, don't say what I want, etc. I want to be clear and assert myself, my needs...

What do you think?

sorrel