I have been working on boundaries and self protecting, from my mother especially, for years. And over the years I have learned that the more I just stayed away from her and her dramas and nasty talk about me and so many in the family, the happier I was. I felt better about myself.

But I also have to deal with the guilt of letting go. I know I "shouldn't" feel guilt, but I do. Also when I have other siblings say things to me like "she's your mother and she put food on the table and a roof over your head, she worked hard to do that," it's guilt producing.

However after thinking about those kinds of statements, which made me feel invalidated and ungrateful, my own thoughts and feelings bubbled up and came through: Yes, she did do that. So What? SHE had the children. We were her responsibility, she was supposed to do that, and so MUCH MORE that she did not do! Any animal can become a mother, it's does not bestow sainthood or any other special status on the animal or person. You got pregnant. You had the baby, it's YOUR job to love it and take care of it.

My mother often said to me that she wished abortion were legal when she was younger, that I would not be here if it had been. My response was that I wished the same thing. I didn't get to pick my parents. Because if I did have a say, I most certainly would NOT have picked her or my father.

I am learning to stop buying into all the guilt and emotionalism surrounding parents and family. And I agree with others here, especially luce, who talk of boundries and separation when it comes to toxic relationships, even if they are with your parents.