Quote:
Originally Posted by Luce
A few years ago I experienced several incidents of abuse in which I was coconscious with the child alters that dealt with them, but utterly unable to change anything. During the incidents I was completely 'stuck' in the child states, even though I was fully aware of them as they happened. Not good.
So... afterwards I was trying to figure out WHY this happened, why the adults me's weren't able to step up and alter the situation. After much internal dioalogue etc we figured out that the child parts didn't KNOW things could be changed - they were stuck in their old roles of 'just doing what they had to do to get through it' and did not know that anything could be dealt with differently to previous abusive experiences. So they survived it as best they could, and - even though we were coconscious -they 'protected' us by blocking us from being out. Essentially they were just doing their job.
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Yeah but try telling THAT to the cops who don't understand why you didn't do X, Y, or Z while it took place -- or why you waited almost two weeks to report it ...
Oh WOW WOW WOW WOW WOWWWWW ....
so glad you posted this Luce. Not sure at the moment whether it relates to Mal's general question or not but it has sparked some definite LIGHTS going on inside about the abduction last November and why Mal reacted as she did to all that. That rings SO absolutely truth about it all -- it has been beating itself up like crazy inside for being "so stupid" as to NOT have done this, that, or the other thing to get OUT of that situation while it went on and WHY it had gotten STUCK in this "mode" of feeling like it could not call upon anyone for help. Part of it had been simple fear -- from the things the abductors had been saying it sounded like they had a whole story cooked up to tell the cops, for example, if Mal phoned them, which could end up getting US in trouble instead of THEM -- but another part of it literally seemed to be flashing back to some previous time years and years ago of simply feeling alone, in danger, and having no one to turn to and being stuck just trying to survive and get THROUGH it so we could GO HOME and be SAFE again, rather than being able to think with a rational adult mind about stuff. And in turn, that same sense of shame and having to keep secrecy from others stemming from past abuse / molestation experiences .... WOW you sure hit a jackpot for us on this one. THANK YOU very much for sharing that.
You helped a GREAT deal -- again not sure about how much this relates to the OP but it does not matter, you helped Mal make sense of something that had been deeply painful and troubling and we thank you.