I feel I could be gone tomorrow and no one would miss me.

It's hard for me to say how bad I feel now. I know I'll probably
never get what I want in life. I've already missed out on that. I'm so use to being alone, I wouldn't know how to be happy. I would be afraid to be happy. I've had chronic depression since I was 13. And never received any treatment for it until I was 32. I don't know how to be anything but alone. I can't handle the stress of risking. Of rejection. I so desperately want to be loved, to be cherished by a woman, and cherish her, but I am told I need to love myself first. I don't see how I can possibley love myself enough to fill the emptyness I feel from being alone. How can I ever provide myself with those things only a woman could give me? Everyday that goes by I feel less and less hopeful.