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For the past week and a half, whenever I can, I have been knocking myself out (inducing sleep) by overmedicating. I just want to be unconscious. That way I can escape all my thoughts, moods, feelings--especially FEAR. I don't even mind nightmares. At least, when I wake up, I can say--"it was only a dream"
I want to die. I am afraid to die. I am afraid because it would destroy my mom if i died. I am afraid because I don't know what death is like.
I am afraid because i don't know if i can control myself.
I am afraid of life. I am afraid of germs. I am afraid of people. I am afraid of taking a yoga class, for god sakes! I am afraid for no reason at all. I am just afraid and my heart hurts literally and figuratively, for no reason.
What the hell is wrong with me????????
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