Hello Everyone! The following might be long, but please bare with me. If you want you can skip to the section labeled "Questions"

I have a few questions about DID. My mother was diagnosed with the disorder when I was a child; however, I did not find out until I was in my late teens. I never really would have guessed she had it. I would say it seemed as though she had something close to it, but I never thought she had it. Things that cued me in were the following: emotional lability (one minute she is fine and a split second later she is yelling at me), substance abuse (she can't get off cigarettes but she hasn't drank for years now), and occasionally in order to wake her up I had to call her name as a child instead of call her mommy. Sometimes she uses a child's voice and it seems as though her face changes, but it always seemed as if she was joking. If she sees a dog sometimes she would bark and pant/ if she was talking about dogs she would. She also had very strong opinions and was not afraid to express them. She frowned when she slept, and she can be very manipulative.

Anyhow, I myself was diagnosed with PTSD by the same therapist who diagnosed my mom with DID when I was younger. I know the two diagnoses can go hand in hand and DID is often accompanied by PTSD (not necessarily the other way around though). That brings me to my...

QUESTIONS
Before you were diagnosed, what were your symptoms? Did you have any other diagnosis before you were told you had DID? How do your alters get there names? Were you always consciously aware of your alters? Does any one else in your family have the disorder? Before you were diagnosed/before you knew about your alters, what was your conscious dialogue in your head like?

The reason I ask all this is because after my mom was diagnosed I did extensive research on DID. I was so afraid I might have it, or get it some day. So I know all of the scientific/DSM-IV stuff that explains DID and how you would diagnose some one else, but I was wondering about your personal experiences/how you would know if you need to be evaluated for DID.

I have a history of self-injury and a previous suicide attempt, I've experienced sexual and physical abuse. Mom was overbearing and angry and my father was very passive and barely ever there. Parents divorced when I was eight but mom didn't move out til I was like 9. Divorce wasn't finalized until I was in my teens. I often had panic attacks in high school (5 a day) and found myself self-loathing. I don't really hear voices but the dialogue in my head sometimes talks to me (very rarely) like "No, what were you thinking" or "don't do that." It's not really loud, it's quiet. Also, my mind feels really busy. I don't really feel connected all the time. It's especially hard to focus during things like this... I will often pause for an unknown amount of time and then get back to my work. When I was in my teens, especially after a concussion I got from being hit in the face with a softball, I would lose time. I would sit there thinking it had been five minutes, but it really had been a whole day that had passed. My memory is TERRIBLE. I forget things often - like my keys or what I did last weekend. It take some pretty active trying to remember for me to remember those things, even then I can't always remember. Another good example of that is thinking that I've done something but I really haven't. That happens a lot with people. Or I'll think I said one thing and people say I said something completely different. This is especially true during heated conversation. Another thing I do is think I said something to one person so I'll continue tell them a story that I thought I had been telling them before, but it was really some one else. I'll argue with people because I think for sure they are in my group in school but they really aren't. Occasionally it feels like my mind is vibrating ever so slightly. It's like the world distorts just a little bit or maybe my ears will ring and I will go deaf and my head/brain feels like something is rubbing on it or like low volt electricity is going through it. More recently I've developed muscle twitches. My roommates tell me I look like a whole different person when I'm angry. Sometimes I wear make up and gussy myself up and sometimes I go out completely wasted-looking and don't care (don't bathe for like three days). I also get really worked up any time I think about the past. There is ALOT about my past I cannot remember and do not want to try to remember. When I try to work through it, I hit road blocks and dissociate and get anxious and afraid and panic... I feel like the walls are pressing in around me and I can't escape until I forget about trying to remember...... Any way, it's probably way more than any of you wanted to know, and I probably should talk to a diagnostician to find out what I really am. But I just wanted y'alls take on your Dx of DID. How DID is like for you.

Thanks for this...

~BxD