Like I said, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I'm at the extreme bottom. My mind is spinning so much, I'm just in a daze. I can't even tell what is reality anymore. I don't think this is a cycle anymore. There is no hope. I'm beyond that now. I'm vacant, numb yet at the same time crying. It doesn't even make sense to me. Nothing makes any sense to me anymore. I'm so dissillusioned. So very, very broken. I'm a total loser, a failure and a major screw-up. I should never have been born. I'm a mistake. Damn tears, don't they ever stop. I want them to stop but I don't know how. I just totally give up. I just want to die.