I'm not sure how much advice I can give because I'm still fighting that particular battle myself. But what I can tell you is that you are trying, and that in itself is amazing. It's a huge step to admit that there are parts of yourself that need to be changed, aspects of your life that need to be altered or confronted ... it's tough and terrifying and you should be proud that you've decided to make the attempt.

I'm not sure if it's fear of failure that makes these changes so difficult for us. I think that for me, at least, it's the fear that I will put all of this effort into totally overhauling my life or myself, and in the end I will still be just as miserable as I am now. The other thing I'm personally trying to combat is the depression forever telling me that I can't. No matter what I decide, there is a voice inside my head that says "You're never going to make it, so why bother? You're too stupid/lazy/uncreative/uninformed/worthless to do this, so you may as well just stick to what you know than make a complete fool of yourself trying something new." If that voice sounds familiar, then I can tell you that what's been working for me lately is a huge, resounding "NO!!!!" I just keep repeating it to myself whenever the depression's voice comes at me. "No, no, no, no, no!" I don't have enough positive points to convince myself of but I do have the capacity to recognize when the depression is pulling me down with its lies, and even if I can't argue with it, I can at least put my foot down and refuse listen. And somehow ... even though I have no idea what I want or who I want to be or where I want to go, and even though I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing now or what I'm going to do in the future, refusing to listen to the depression when it tells me that every step I take is pointless or wrong makes it just a little less scary to just get on with my life. I'm trying to trust that the pieces will all fall into place, and that what needs doing will get done.

I'm not sure if any of that helps. I hope it does, but if not I hope that you'll find a way to get to the place and the person you want to be. Good luck!