I couldn't put poison behind my words... Never. I could never spit nasty words at someone, ever. When I'm backed up against a wall, it takes me giving 3 warnings before I lash out with harsh words... and by then, I'm cradling a clenched fist and ready to punch someone if they so much as touch me. I'm not a violent person, whether it be emotionally or physically. I know how it is to have people being biolent towards me, so how could I possibly do it to them?

I would love to do the same, Patricia... But you know what? I'm scared that they wouldn't reply, or would rip it up in my face or w/e. I'd be scared of that. How pathetic? Very.

I AM fat and ugly, I AM repulsive and unloved. That's how I feel. Is that unreasonable? Maybe in "normal" circumstances, but not my own. Sigh. Today is not a good day.

I wish I could just see that family and say "Why did you do this to me?" and that's all I'd say and wait for an answer, not that I'd get one...