Yes, I need to work through letting go and I have to actually do it myself without going back to him or it would defeat the purpose. I've been struggling more for the past month and have been having urges to contact him recently that I've resisted. My goal is to wait 6 months or until I feel comfortable with letting him know how I'm doing. He's allowed me to update him. I know he cares. I think once I write him and if he comes back into the store where I work after hearing from me, I'll know that he is okay with me. He'll know that I've moved on still loving him, but respecting him too and allowing him to live his life. I don't think that I will painfully ache for more when I do see him again. I want to respect him and handle it well. I would be very content to see him happy and well. It would be of great comfort to know he trusts and believes in me to do this. That would be a final thing for me.

The funny part about all of this is that I've always loved my H. My feelings for him have remained constant and strong... but different. He and I have never had this type of emotional closeness. I'm hoping to work on that more after I finish working through this.

I do feel better already. Writing really does wonders for me.