Hi Fuzzey , don't think Ive ever seen you post.

can't give you enough hugs to replace all you have given,

The push can play out in varying ways, It can be just droping a relationship, and that can be for self preservation , fancey wording for fear. / getting hurt and or rejected again.

Its about boundries .

where did it originate . well for me I remember clearly an incident when I was 4 . I was with my mother outside and I was hugging kissing her and feeling this very warm attachment love and lots of it . she coldly abruptly pushed me away angrily and made me feel bad for wanting to hug and kiss.

Boy did that hurt.

She basically taught the art of push and push and push . through anger and harshness physical injury . but there had to be a connection right?

so there was a " have to be pull" just by the nature of needing to feed and take to school skinds of things or maybe some regret from the pushing away . There was never a pull of affection from my mother she had no affection for me lets say 15% I'm being generous here.

with my Father it was extreeme. He was a hard hitter and sexual violator but he was also very warm and fuzzey huggy touchy.

" LOL" Fuzzy ..... also ,funny ,sarcastic man with moments of real contimplation.

This set up in me a pattern to be drawn to and stay with abusers. Even though they hurt me deeply I still go after them . its harmful and it keeps the pattern going. I pull so they will "treat me better ". I need for them to treat me better in order to repair what they did. But abusers never do. I keep hoping.

I believ there is some whisful and magical thinking that happens in order to avoid the reality that they do not like you ?love you.

so how do you breack the pattern

Become very wise . Know when your filling in the blanks inorder to feel better ,

three strikes and your out . or for me It has to be two . From there I set a boundrie of they can no longer enter my life but I love them from a distance .
try to learn to accept the negative in someone to a degree.

not push back when others are pushing away.

Theres more to it than this . but this is all for now.

Ill sneek a hug in here for your unbrella post Fuzzey ,

its raining here right now . for real . not as in tears.

Patricia