Maybe I am... No... I KNOW for a fact that I am

I hate not helping people, really hate it... I've blocked out some of the people I usually help, but some others, I just can't block out. I live with them. GAAAAHHHHH!! I'm driving myself insane!!!! I have posted in... Depression, I think, about something that happened last night... I want to break my 2 weeks SI free because of it, I am a useless pile of s**t, good for nothing but being beaten and a punchbag when people are angry or upset, or someone to manipulate, get to do things.

I am nothing but easy to manipulate, hate, lie to, hurt... I don't know.. I know when people are lying, I know how to defend myself... But I hate catching people out... Like I did before I got my final beating from my adoptive Mum, I'm scared that I'll get seriously hurt because of it. GRRRRR