It's not just the body image, I know that...

I know Connor loves me for who I am, but I know he'd like me to be thinner... I know he wants me to lose weight... Because he wants me to be happy and he wants me to be thinner because that's what'll make me happy... I think he'd prefer a thinner gf too...

I went shopping earlier and spent almost £10 on salad stuff. That's my safe food. Salad and soup. That's it. :-/ Connor doesn't seem to fazed by it. In fact he's glad I'm "saving money" by living on soup for a few weeks, then 'going back to normal'. Nuh-uh... That's not the way it'll be at all... I know he thinks my eating's fine, because I eat "normally" at his... But I always feel so, so guilty for doing so... I always want to bring it back up, but never can because someone would hear me and go nuts on me...

I don't know. I feel ill and just want to sleep, but I'm too scared to sleep...I just want to have control over my own life for once...