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Apr 06, 2009, 03:41 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: So Cal
Posts: 3,342
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Hi....
I read your post and I just had to reply. 
A little about me...I have Major Depressive Disorder, Complex PTSD, and Dissociative Identity Disorder. I tell you this so you know that from a diagnostic standpoint, I can understand where you're coming from.
That being said...I have been in similar points in my life as it sounds you are now. It is horrible. It is dark. And yes, the internal feeling is "I just don't care!!"
What I have learned about myself is that when I am actually saying "I just don't care!!" That is actually me saying "Somebody please do something...this is out of control and I don't think I can pull myself through this by myself...I think I'm loosing the battle and the war....HELP ME!!"
This is what I hear when I read your words. I think that if you didn't care, you wouldn't bother posting this. This is your cry for help!! WE HEAR YOUR CRY!! I usually don't speak for others, but I feel safe doing that at this moment. (If I offend anyone I apologize) PLEASE...seek out some form of therapy...it always seems to get more painful and horrible before it starts to balance out again. We all want you to feel better and be safe, and try to seek some form of happiness through all this. There have been a lot of good steps in therapy in the last 13 years. There is a relatively new therapy called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensatization....something). I have done a couple rounds of this. It is physically painless and has helped me greatly to process things. I have heard great things about it from others as well.
There are steps you can take...
I have been depressed for my whole life....I believe it will always come back...because it always has before...but I strive to make it through so I can find some peace and enjoyment in the good moments. I wish this for you!!
I wish you the best. Keep us posted on things.
Otherwise....rant away, and we are all here for you.
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