I agree with everyone else ... thirteen years is a long time to go without treatment, and in that time major advances have been made in the medical and psychological fields. I understand your feeling of "I just don't care" -- it's a phrase I myself have used a LOT. I spent several counselling sessions begging my counsellor to make me care about something, anything, so that I could feel anything other than despair and pointlessness. It can get better, and if you really work at fighting it, it will. It's not easy, it's going to require a lot of force of will and effort on your part and you are going to want to give up every second of every day. I'm not telling you this to scare you off of seeking help -- just the opposite. When you start to feel better, every ounce of energy you poured into your treatment is going to feel SO worthwhile, SO important, that you'll wonder how you could ever have not cared about anything before. Depression makes us stubborn -- goodness knows, it made me absolutely impossible!! -- but it's up to us to decide how we're going to put that stubbornness to use -- either against yourself, or against the depression.

You can do this. There is more to life than what you're feeling now, I promise, and it's worth everything you have to pour into treatments to get there.

Lots of hugs. Take care.