hi fuzzy, for me how it works is I push friends and family away because I feel disrespected or I feel like a boundary I've set has been crossed. I'm struggling with this right now in my relationship. I've counted several times saying simply "no" to my sig other and she continues to push on me. I push back, after thousands of dollars (tens of thousands ??? lol) of therapy I've been told to say "no" and then supply a time for when I'm available. I feel pushed to communicate, when my mind is locked up emotionally. Often I really fear interpersonal issues like this. I've lost friends or had friends I make up with and break up with, falling into an imho unhealthy cycle. The origination is like this for me: I always felt my Mom had emotionally abdandoned me at an early age. One of my earliest memories when I was four was my Mom saying she couldn't play with me anymore. I remember watching massive amounts of TV, I still do actually. My Dad was so jealous and my Mom feared his jealousy and his addiction, his anger. Sometimes nothing but unhinged, blind rage from the old man. It was like he became the anger, was lost in it. I learned to disappear then, be invisable, the adults were talking and I didn't want to be in the way. Kids were "seen and not heard" and kids "needed to be trained". But then I learned later in family group, my Mom had dragged me into her arguements with my Dad? Never understood this one. Sister was born and then I was told by Mom to "work out differences with her" when we were both children? Wierd too because I always felt Mom sided with sis. How to break the patterns??: I'm working on this one and I see a long road ahead for me... I've really been challenging old friendships. Often people I've made friends with from my "using days" I find to be agressive and selfish in the relationship. They don't respect what I see as reasonable boundries. Trying to be friends again is awkward because a relationship I saw as a bit one sided is even more so. I doubt myself as to why I ever hung out with this person. But then I see and remember how emotionally I bonded with them at any cost because I was just afraid to be me. So the pull is to have someone as an emotional surrogate to hide behind. The push is when I have a moment of clarity and I get offended or uncomfortable in the relationship. Great question fuzzy, hope my thoughts were clear and I didn't ramble too much, just sharing from the heart honestly...