I know I can control my eating and the quality of food etc... I already do that, but the only thing I feel is safe to eat is salad or soup. I can't eat anything else without feeling disgusting... Yes I can eat it at Connor's, but that's just because I don't want to let on to him, or his parents, that I'm restricting my intake to lose weight. I'll be happy if I lose 2 stone.

Even eating salad is hard... Or soup with a slice of bread. I hate it, I really do... But I have to do it for Connor. If I didn't have Connor I wouldn't be eating at all. I hate going behind his back, really I do... But I just want to be happy with who i am, the way I look. People say "oh but you're so pretty, you're so slim, you've got a lovely figure" and I just stand there and think 'are you joking?'

The only time I actually feel slim/pretty is when I'm not eating, or I'm restricting heavily. I wish it wasn't that way, but it is.