Hi Pain,

I wanted to read and respond last night . I had to get some sleep.

Boy dud I have a strange dream this morning. I should write it down.

heres what stands out to me in your writting and saw in my friend I corresponded with and its a theme in myself.

Your Sister.
it may well be a fact she has a more noticable look . one that fit's into the ideal beauty the media and artists for ages have been "DRAWN" to.

And they get the attention , and they get it from parents and others , while the other or other siblings don;t see that attention or that glint in the parents eye that they see toward the sibling.
this does not mean the other sibss are no beautiful or even more talanted in ways the gourgous one is.

My Brother got the home made desk in his room. I got the kitchen table to do my home work on. He got the "boys State" awards in science , and preparation was all about him going to MIT.

He got the private long talks with my mother. ( this was pre eating disorder) that I never got, i just got complaining .mean while I was dieng and no one coud get the wake up call . It was all about me bieng a faliure , the one who no matter what did not matter.

many times in the fmily there are favorites. And depending on the severity it can be costly.

I cannot change the past. And looking at it is painful. I can learn to hug myself , find what they missed .and grieve for thier blindness of what they were doing TO me instead of FOR me. And also look at the things they did do for me . There WERE positives. Unfortuately way too many minuses.

I gotta go , my dogs having a bad day and that make mine not so great.



Patricia