My son called my husband a jerk again. This happened several times before. And he is only 9 years old.

WORST of it all is that my husband did nothing! If your husband does nothing, why are you doing nothing? By you doing nothing it also shows that it's ok by you for your son to do this. My wife has PTSD and is sometimes very apathetic toward the children, and I will step in and let them know what's up.

I told my husband many times that he cannot let him do that, that he needs to tell him, give him a big consequence. By letting my son get away with that is like teaching him that it is o.k. thing to do to. Again, if your husband is a passive person, and there could be many reasons why he is this way, then you need to step in and let the child know what's what...

Although my husband did handled a couple of repeated similar episodes in a sort of mild manner, today he did nothing when my son said that to him again. I have to wonder why your son is doing this as well, my daughter is 9, and never once has she even muttered anything bad about me or my wife, not to our faces, and I really don't think she thinks it either, but...all kids do this from time to time. Seems to me though there is some sort of catalyst for his behaviour you're leaving out...or maybe Mal is correct, he is emulating you.

It just drive me completely mad to see my husband in such apathy. It is just utterly unbelievable and inconceivable that a man could be so passive, so spineless. Even when I questioned him again and again "why don't you do something about it?" and saying "Don't you know by not standing up for yourself you are making others disrespect you." "Not only your son, but me as well!" "I cannot understand why, can you explain?"

And he would look at me blank and say nothing. Even when I chewed him up like - "Don't you have any spine of your own." "You are not a man." "No parents would say this is right." "If you don't believe me, go talk to ten parents...."

All he did was mumbled softly "what do you expect me to do?"

That man is so DEAD. Nothing could stir him up, no matter how you chew him up - "you're so DEAD, I cannot believe it", "no woman would respect a spineless man."

I know I sounded so mean but God please help me. No matter how I bang him, pushed him, I still can't put life into him. You are being mean. I wouldn't let you talk to me like that once, let alone over and over. There is no reason to treat anyone like that. You make them feel worse about themselves, and 100 - 1 he already has self esteem problems, from the way you have explained him to us. I am a very calm and laid back person now (didn't used to be), but every time my wife even thinks about raising her voice I calmly look at her and say honey...and she apologizes, no one deserves to be treated like crap.

On the other side of it, as I was writing this, it dawn on me that I have married my father. And that I have attracted this same sort of man in my life. And I probably have subconscious embedded anger over my father passiveness.

Ya, I think it is my issue too - so what could we do to break this pattern. What can you do to break this pattern? Have a sit down talk with him, and start out with, "Honey, I love you, but things need to change." Not belittle and berate him. Tell him, nicely, how you feel, and tell him you need him to express his feelings, needs and wants, and why he does what he does. You may very well get an answer you don't understand, like, "I don't know why I do the things I do." I get that a lot, but I understand why, and now I think you need to understand why.

I really appreciate your feedback and please forgive me for being so cruel. I am usually a very compassionate person.