The question is what can YOU do to break this pattern. He may not be willing or capable of participating in your idea for change at all.

Trying to force someone to change is always an effort in futility. People only change when they WANT to. Your efforts to force or control him just counteract what you hope to achieve.

You are your's son's parent. You can tell him that you will not allow him to talk to his father disrespectfully. If both you and your son start treating your husband with respect, concern and understanding, he might start feeling like he deserves it. He might come to expect it.

You sound like you are very angry with your husband. Not matter how much you try to hide or deny your anger, your son and your husband do feel it and pick up on it. Maybe you should try seeing a therapist about the problems you are having in your marriage. It may be all his fault, but often professional therapists are able to help you change your behavior and that helps or gives the other person the opportunity to change.