Skitz.....I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It is very hard not to be able to trust. Part of what you said sounds ohhhh so familiar. Sometimes we fake it so long our feelings finally come to a head. I have been here a short time and already have opened up more than ever thought possible. In some way it eases things for me many times. Most of the people here are wonderful. Just maybe post and read threads for awhile...maybe even enter chat. You don't have to talk if you don't want to. Observe for awhile until you feel comfortable. Feel free to PM me anytime.