Kiya, sweet, thank you. I've suffered from depression since I was in my early teens, like 13, and I'm now middle-aged. We've tried all but a few of the old tricyclics as far as meds go. Only one, nardil, worked somewhat, for a few years, then life stuff triggered depression and more and more life events, and here i am. So yes, the ECT is definitely last-ditch. My psychiatrist is against it but my family doc, with whom i have a very good and caring relationship, actaully sees more of my depression because i allow him to, and so he is the one gently pushing for ECT. My psychiatrist is fairly new and a bit odd, so I don't really trust him. It's complicated, too.
The stuff about my son-in-law has to do with an ongoing concern that i do not wish to relate, but this is really an old problem. Unfortunately, he has dealt with it by being passive aggressive - teasing me about things that actually have hurt me very much. And i'm sensitve by nature as well as due to the depression. So I don't deal well with it, don't want to visit. They live in another city so it isn't like i can go for a few hours and leave. I go for a week at a time but now i just don't want to go back. I'm very close to my grandchildren, ages five and 3 and now my daughter is pregnant. I know i'm worrying about the future, but my son-in-law is going away for 10 days at the end of May and i know my daugghter is going to want me to come be with her. I can't imagine feeling safe. She can be passive aggressive as well, not in the same way, not as "mean" but it almost makes it worse. When i try to talk her what i get is, "oh Mom, don't be silly" or "You worry too much." blah, blah, blah. Should could be right to a degree but i also have legitimate concerns and she won't meet me halfway. We are just very different. We love each other, but we don't always like each other.
Sorry for going on and on, i'm very emotional. and i do get out, walk most days and sit in the food court at the mall, reading. I have a wonderful friend, but I don't want to overwhelm her so i'm conscious of how much I say to her. She gets me and loves unconditionally, and I love her, too. She also has DID. I am blessed to have her in my life. She has two little ones and I am their Nana, too - best antidepressants on earth!
You have given me good advice and i really appreciate your wisdom. I will try to let go of this, I do forgive my son-in-law but this is not going to go away. I have been praying (and crying) every night since I came home over a week ago.
My either daughter ... that's another story. I love both my children deeply and need to have good relationships with them. i raised them alone and I think that makes it even more important to me. Enough! I could write all night, but no wonder, I'm a writer, so I just have to stop.