I often think about what T is like outside of session. Sometimes I feel jealous when I think about him because I still get this extreme idea that he is all put together and has things perfect outside of therapy. Of course I know this is a total lie, but it happens, and I have told him all about it.

When he goes on vacation, I imagine him on the most perfect vacation ever (he never tells me where he actually goes). Sometimes I imagine something strange happening that would ruin the perfect vacation. Last year I told him, "I imagined that all of your chocolate bunnies would melt." For Christmas I told him, "I imagined that every single present you opened was socks." Then I retracted that because T always matches his socks to his outfit.

There have been a few times I have seen T out of the office. They weren't exactly random.

One time, I saw him in his car leaving the office. Apparently I cut him off, but I did not know this. He left me know the next session, hahahahahaa. He said, "Did you know I was behind you? You really took off and drive too fast-- it was like your car flew off the ground."

There have been a few times when I left the office distraught, manic, or dissociated. I would sit in my car because I knew it would not be safe to drive. T would come out to my car to check on me and we would talk in the parking lot.

Lastly, T and I took a walk around the city. It was right after my dad died. I finished my session with him (it was nighttime and it was extremely cold out). After I finished the session, I decided that since my dad was in a cold, dark place, I should be, too. I sat on this bench about a block from the building. I happened to be T's last patient, so he was leaving... and he happened to be walking that way to his car. He saw me and said, "Come on..." and we took a short walk around the city. We didn't talk-- he may have said one thing, but if he did, I don't remember. It was a very special type of connection.

Seeing T outside of the office in these instances was fine because they were all pretty much therapy-related (ok, except the time I apparently cut him off, but technically it was therapy-related because it happened after therapy, and it brought it up in the next session, lol). I liked that I was able to find connections with him outisde of the therapy room. D.W. Winnicott said that the therapeutic frame can exist past the therapy room.

If I saw my T randomly, I'd probably drop dead. We do not live in the same state, but I live in the city, and people who live in his state commonly work in this city, and come here for recreational purposes. If I was to see him at a restaurant or a museum, I would probably run out, ahahaaaaa. I'm so mature.