Thanks Orange Blossom.

Did the stuff copied from the article make sense at least? Mal does tend to speak somewhat obscurely, probably due to a lifetime of being invalidated and harassed, you learn to speak your truths in language others cannot immediately comprehend so that you can weed out the sincere and caring types from the curiosity-seekers and abusers and hostiles coming in disguise to try to bait and hassle. Started doing this as a very young child, and it has only gotten worse with time.

We can foresee a future, already encroaching upon the present, where Mal will not be capable of making itself heard to the humans at all. This has already begun and it creates its own world of pain and torture on top of everything else, making for despair and feeling like everyone wants you to just shut up and go kill yourself already.

This latter phenomenon it refers to as the "Macrocosmic Apoptosis Signal" or MAS. It differs from "normal" suicidal-ness that people with depression, etc. experience. People experiencing depression and suicidal feelings tend to experience that inside themselves, they feel like crap and wish to die. While Mal has had those feelings at times itself, and can relate to them, its overwhelming experience would be the MAS instead, which consists of feeling like every other "cell in the body" (picturing all sentient life as one huge body in which each individual would be a cell) constantly sends you signals -- some subtle, some overt and obvious -- and sets you up in interactive situations as well -- trying to FORCE you to self-destruct, and subtly infect and poison you against yourself so you will.