Hi all, I'm a longtime member but haven't really posted till now.

My short story: I feel like a failure. I'm an Ivy League graduate doing grunt work (with terrible attendance because of my mood), sob before getting up in the mornings, and have pain issues to boot. I'm exhausted all the time. What cheers me up is bad for me: soma and any vicodin-type painkillers I can scam. I had a breakdown a few years ago and scared my family and friends and have 'learned' from that i.e. I don't talk about my current state, which is not good.

I can't see myself living another 40+ years wanting it to end and feeling trapped by religion so I can't do the deed. I've dealt with this since college--about 15 years. The only antidepressant that worked (about two years) has now gone kaput.

I'm just over it all. I have family and friends who love me and that keeps me alive as well.

Thanks for listening.