Quote:
Originally Posted by sunrise
I do see my T outside of the hour. He is also the coach for my legal proceedings. I did have some reluctance at first to see him outside of his office. My fear was that I wouldn't know "how to be" around him on the outside. I was afraid I would be too used to our therapy relationship, and how open and feeling it is, and I wouldn't be able to be "normal" (whatever that means) if he was around. And since the legal goings on sometimes call for a hard edge and sharp thought, I was afraid there would be this conflict about how I am around T and what the legal meetings called for. I had all sorts of worries, lol.
I was getting rather tense about all this and not sure I was going to have T in this other role and what should happen in therapy one day, but something to ease my mind and reassure me. What happened was that T was all out of water bottles that day and I am a water-holic. He said he had a new case of water in his car and if I wanted we could go out to his car and bring in the water. My first reaction was no I don't want to waste my therapy minutes getting the water but almost immediately realized what a great opportunity this was. I could go outside of T's office and see how I would be with him. Would I be normal? Or what? It was like a trial run. So we went outside and walked to his car, which was a couple of blocks away. As we walked, we just talked about normal stuff, not deep and intense, sunny-centered therapy stuff. It was great. I was fine. He was fine. We were find together. I knew "how to be."  When we got to his car, he had to clear the front seat off for me because it was piled with junk (a kindred spirit!) and I got in and we drove back, parked right in front of his building, and carried the water in. The whole thing was very natural and normal, and this helped convince me it would be OK if T was the legal coach.
That's my story. Sounds kind of silly. It turns out that seeing T outside the office has been just fine. He is pretty much the same guy outside as in. It is actually I who am a bit different and he has said he has enjoyed that. When I get in a group, I can want to amuse people, lol. I like to crack jokes to ease the tension, make things more convivial. I do not often do this when T and I are alone together. I am more serious then. He likes the joking part of me too. I remember the first time, he turned to me and said (as if surprised?), "that's very funny!" And then much the same later. I guess I gave him the impression in session that I was humorless.
Anyway, it's not all bad, seeing your T outside of his office! |
My T is the same dude both inside and outside the office. It's really, really strange, but the luck of the draw has us knowing many of the same people on professional and academic levels... it's just---weird, but I actually have found this incredibly helpful!!!! Not only do I trust him all the more, but I don't have to take great pains to explain situations to him (and I have a MOUNTAIN of situational stuff going on for about a year now). I also like that he has such a thorough understanding of ADHD on a personal and professional level, as his son who is close to my age also has ADHD. So he knows it on a professional level, but understands it up close and personal experiencing the effects of it at home. This makes him a better T.
He also knows my hometown pretty well, as he has family from there and visits there often. He's even familiar with the elementary school I went to, as his in-law used to be the principle! I
I've had two deaths within the last year of people that I knew. One was murdered and it was very tragic, and the other one died of cancer--rather suddenly. He didn't know the one that was murdered personally, but he knew the community family and everything going on with the murder trial and the attorney's who were defending the defendant. Of the one who died of cancer he was actually his neighbor, so he knew him personally a little bit.
I found this comforting and rather invaluable.
He also has to deal with my university officials quite frequently with many of his patients, and it's really helpful that he knows who I talk about when I talk about XYZ administrator who needs to pull their head out of their arse
Actually, he's helped them to pull their heads out of their arse on more than one occasion...
I have many other situations where we share the same stuff, so to speak---which helps him to relate to me, which helps me put things into proper context and to run things by him and I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that he WILL and DOES understand. In the event that he might not understand immediately, he wants to understand and REALLY tries to understand when I tell him that he doesn't get it.
I wouldn't have it any other way.