Fay,

Your private world was some form of refuge and comfort in a childhood that had sexual abuse in it. Children have so little power that escape is often their only tool for surviving. It sounds like an awesome coping mechanism for childhood that ceased to be adequate for an adult life.

Like the others I can't diagnose your situation but I think it would be good to talk to someone you can trust about it - hopefully you can talk to your T about it. You seem to have a faith in God that is meaningful to you and many people feel that they can rely on God as part of how they cope with the pain and difficulty of life. It is part of how I began to recover from severe abuse in childhood, because I did dissociate heavily to cope and eventually that ceased to be a good thing in the adult world with responsibilities.

There was certainly nothing "wrong" about making an imaginary place in childhood and even adults use imagination to "take mental breaks".

I hope you find the help you need to come to a place of peace.

Leslie and her pixies