Maybe I am... I don't mean too

I don't want to go to the hospital because I feel like I go there too much, I feel like I'm a burden. I feel mostly like they think I'm attention seeking or something... When in actualy fact, I'm just screaming out for help

The panic attack the other night... It was lucky I didn't have to go to hospital then, lucky I managed to stop hyperventilating... I couldn't breathe at all and Connor was so worried... He's never seen me have a panic attack before...

I almost ODed again last night :/ I have so many pills in my room, but they can't be thrown away because I need them to keep me sane.. I need them in case I get migraines, or can't sleep or whatever. I almost cut too.. I had my wallet on my bed, waiting for me to just pull out the blade and do it. I didn't. Thing that stopped me? Connor. I knew he'd see it this weekend and I didn't want to let him down.. I don't want to break my 13 days free... Not yet anyway...

Sigh. Life. I can't be doing with it anymore.