Hi,

First of all, lots of hugs.
I'm sorry you're feeling so terrible right now. Have you been to see a doctor or therapist about how you're feeling? If anti-depressants worked for you before, there's a good chance that they'll work for you again. If you can't get the kind you were on before, there are more meds out there that can still help, maybe even better than they were. I understand not being able to talk to your family -- I still have a hard time telling them how I feel and how I'm doing, and when I do it usually ends in tears for me and absolute panic for them because they don't know what to do.

Also, try not to feel guilty about feeling better in relationships. Humans are social animals -- we crave each others' company, so that's why we tend to feel better when we're with each other than on our own. You should be able to respect yourself whether you're in a relationship or not, and you should not be in a relationship for the sake of being in one, but there is nothing wrong with feeling good when you are and not wanting to be alone.

Thanks for posting, and I hope things start looking up for you.