I went to school later in life. It was a struggle with what was going on in my head, but I didn't know what was going on then. Looking back, I remember only tiny pieces of school but I'm still glad I went. I didn't know that college was an option due to my family life and I think I wanted to escape so much that the focus of the brain here was to just get away.

I do remember having all these notes from class, pages and pages and not remembering writing them. That stuff always had happened though so I didn't even think about it. I didn't know it wasn't normal. I found out later that it was a recorder type part of my brain that did/does that. Even though I didn't remember writing notes, those notes are what helped me get knowledge from the classes. I used to think I was stupid because of my lack of memory of so much but since I've gotten more awareness of what goes on for me, I've realized that I am smarter than I once thought. Sometimes I think, if all my brain was put together, I'd be an intelligent person. But, with the separations, it often seems like I don't know what I'm talking about.

I wish I had known back when I was in my 20s that I had DID. I didn't find out until I was 40 I think or late 30s (wait, I'm in my forties?! ). I often wonder how life would have gone if I'd been able to gain the awareness I have now, then. My children wouldn't be so messed up, that's for sure. DID sure took a toll on them, from having an inconsistent mom to not knowing who I needed to protect them from. My T and I have talked about that. What if I'd found out that I had DID back when I was 18 or 20. Where would I be now. T said that a lot of people don't get diagnosed with it until later in life though. According to T, it generally takes something that disrupts what was working. For me, I think it was husband dying and then son's rages. Specifically son's rages as that threw me back into a time in my life when I wasn't safe.

Awareness is hard, but for me, necessary to a better life. Hmm, I was just going to talk about college, lol. Anyway, that's all about me.