Are you afraid to upset your children? Frequently, parents who don't have control of their children have a reason why. Children really need to have a parent in control. If a parent is not in control their lives are chaos. This is scary to a child. If the parent isn't in control that means that they are on their own - scary! Children learn self control by a parent being in control. If a parent doesn't control them they never learn self control. Once again, this is scary for a child.

Screaming and spanking do not work (it just adds to the chaos and the children don't learn anything and learning is really what discipline is about. Discipline is not about punishment but learning and shaping behavior). A routine helps because then the children know what to expect and it becomes habit. When you are disciplining a behavior you have to be consistent and do it EVERY time. Never give in to a tantrum. Sit down quietly and ignore the tantrum. It will stop. Interfering with it will make it worse.

If you are in the pattern now where there is only negative interaction going on you can start immediately with spending positive time together. This really flips things around and kids behave better when they spend positive time with their parents.