Hi Samba. I'm sorry things aren't going well right now. I'm glad you posted and that you're at PC, this is a wonderful place to get help and support without fear of being made fun of, or that no one will understand. I agree with miray and hills, it's very important that you get help from a professional as soon as you can, or if you are afraid of doing that just now, maybe try calling your local helpline and talking to one of the professionals there anonymously. You are not alone in this.

Sending lots of good vibes.