I just got back from seeing my t. I decided I am going to the event with my own congregation, even though my former friend will be there. I told t my fear was that I would lose my composure and cry. T asked me if I'd ever seen anyone else cry in my congregation? I told her occasionally, but I would feel embarrassed crying because I would not want my former friend to see it and think/know I was crying about the ending of our friendship. T asked me, "How would she know that? Can she read your mind? If you came to my office crying, I wouldn't know what you were crying about." I guess that's true. My former friend wouldn't know why I was crying. But still, I told t I just don't want to break down at all.

I also told her my husband wants me to attend elsewhere. He does not want me to be near my former friend because he does not think I will be able to handle it emotionally. T asked me if my husband's doubts about my ability to handle it made me question myself? I told her NO. Usually, he is right. I always think I can handle more than I can. Then I find out I can't!

What we finally decided was for me to visualize the part of me that feels like a hurt little girl being in a safe place. T said I could even imagine her staying at t's office with her if I wanted to. So I'm imagining her in t's office with a blanket, pillow, and stuffed animal, and t said she will be available to look in on her and soothe her if needed. My thinking of it in terms like that, I can go to the event tonight with my mind made up to stay in my adult frame of mind. I hope it works.