lrks,

nobody here is going to tell you to get over your fears! We all have some super scary fears of our own so we understand being scared.

I am sorry you have so many confusing emotions going on right now. I wish things were more clear and that you all felt calmer.

What you describe with your family would drive almost anyone crazy trying to figure out how to handle them. You are kind to recognize your brother's accomplishments and his changes. You also are wise to acknowledge your own pain and confusion about this.

It is a doozy of an emotional rollercoaster with all you have mentioned.

Please try to stay as safe as you can as you go about this and do good things for yourselves this week .

take care lrks