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Originally Posted by Rhapsody
That is what I am thinking too... as this poor little fellow has been through so much for being so young and all because that *** of a father was in his life when he was born up until he was about four and now that his son needs him he is no where to be found.... Grrrrrrr - just makes me so angry.
Keeping Fingers Crossed that T (starting next week) will open some doors and windows to healing his inner wounds.
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As some one who was raised by a single mother...kuddo's to every woman who does it.
I can speak on this as a father of 4, as some one who has seen alot of women trying to raise a child, specifically son's on their own, as some one who has coached many boys in many different sports in this age range, preparing to be a teacher. My kids are 13, 11 & 4 year old twins. I've personally was lucky with this age range with my oldest 2 we didn't have any problems like this I don't forsee any issue with the twins...
this is not going to be the pc thing to say. But in SOME cases the more heavy handed approach can work. Each child is different, just like each adult is different. You want to be careful about making sure caring understanding him not having his dad around, doesn't become an enabler to excuse it. It sucks, it's screwed up his dad's not around, I've been there. But even though intentions may be good. I would not rule out a more heavy handed approach. Just like coaching some kids you need to ride & hollar at more that's what they respond best to. They subconsciously want the structure & discilpline...I've seen other kids where if you do that to they will just curl up in a fetal position not be able to speak...those you have to handle with a softer side.
Children do not always have the ability to process their actions & cause & effect in a systemic cognative way adults do, so sometimes simply telling them to sit down think about it doesn't work or ignoring.
My oldest son could care less with "time outs" he could sit in the corner & get entertained by the cracks in the wall for an hour, not thinking remotely about what he did. My youngest son though, you make him stand in the corner tell him your disappointed in his actions & he acts like you just shot his dogs.
Statistically speaking, the reward system does work more often, but all I'm saying is don't rule out the heavy handed approach. Because 7 quickly becomes 18 & the police won't give him a pass simply because his dad wasn't there.
Now that I'm off my soap box....any advice for a stressed out dad with a 13 year old daughter....at 7 I was superman, now I'm her worst enemy & she rolls her eyes at me a hundred times a day...
