I had been taught to hate myself and to believe that I didn't deserve to protect myself, that whatever happened to me happened for good reason, so I shouldn't try to protect myself and if I tried to, then I'd just get hurt more. So... Yes, I was vulnerable too.

My Adoptive Parents never believed me when they found out from a teacher that had asked my permission to ell them, that my ex had tried to rape me... The said it was a pack of lies bulls***. So... Yeah, when my teacher told me to talk to the head of the school, to get this guy punished, I said no because they wouldn't believe me. She assured me that they would, but I didnt't think so... So as far as I know, it was left at that.

I'm sorry to hear about your Father and everything else... It's so sad when we feel that we can't prosecute... It just shows how s*** society is at the moment. Just how much stuff is let go. It's ridiculous and it makes me so angry. When I found out about the 3 guys that raped me geting away with it, I though... There must be so many people in the world who have been let down by the police, people taht are actually telling the truth, yet some people that aren't telling the truth and are blatently lying just get away with it and the guy/girl that raped the other person, gets sent down. How the Hell does that work???

I know our relationship is important... But she's just being such a cow to me at the moment.. Everytime we talk, it's always me making the effort to keep the conversation going.. Sigh. I can never talk to her about my problems like she does with me, because otherwise she'll proably tell Shana... And Gahhhh! I can have HER know my problems.

My starving's getting more advanced and a program on TV last night triggered me and I found tips from it... :/ I'm kinda scaring myself now, but... I just... I don't feel thin enough to get the help from SWEDA. It's not as though I'm thin at all, let alone dangerously thin.