I'm at Connor's now, so I can hardly do much to harm myself, apart from... Well.. Make my calorie intake as low as possible. I'm eating almost nothing. At Connor's, though... I make myself wake up late to avoid breakfast and I'm trying to avoid lunch today too

Sigh. I just can't seem to help it... If Connor gets me to eat lunch, like... Says that he's clicked taht I'm not eating properly, then I'll eat something.. I'll have to... To "prove" to him that I am eating properly... Even then, I'd have to get him to go out on a walk/run with me, or run around the house, or find excuses to keep going p and down the stairs, or like last night, dance - with Connor - and jump around to feel less guilty. Although, that doesn't always work...

Gee. I hate being like this, really I do.. But I'm so fat and I hate it... Connor said this morning, after I'd had a shower and was getting dressed... "Baby... You've lost more weight... Your thighs are getting smaller, too..." I'm scared. Terrified that he's catching on. I don't want him to, but in a way I do... I'm starting to get weaker...

I watched a program last night that Fearne Cotton was hosting. I think it was called Online Anorexia. Bad idea watching it, especially considering Connor's Mum and Aunt were in the room... I got tips from it and they were both sat there saying "how could anyone think that being THAT thin is attractive??" I sat there and thought... Because it's thin, it's the craze.. It's what people seem to want to see, otherwise people looking like that wouldn't have been employed, would they? But there's more to it than just being thin. Sigh. I don't want them to catch on either...

Connor's Aunt then was really insensitive and said "ha. I'm a reovering anorexic, can't you tell???" (she's quite large...) Connor got really p**sed off because he knows that I've struggled with it before.. Don't think he knows I am atm though.

He just tried to get me to eat something... I said I'm not hungry. Then he tried to get me to nibble on a plum because he said it was really sour and wanted me to taste for myself. I shied away... It's horrible, doing this, but I just can't seem to help it..