Cat

I didnt mean to scare you there about BP getting worse if not taken care of, that is just my personal experience and those with whom I have spoken to along the years. I know if I had kept on going the way I was i.e. not taking my pills as prescribed or stopping them when I supposedly feel "well" or abusing my body self medicating or using stimulants and generally not managing the illness it would have most definitely have become rampant.

With regards to morbid thinking and how do I deal with it....Gosh, well nobody has asked me this before. I think what I am aware of is now even when I am at my worst and lowest is that this is a phase or my mind is not programmed correctly at the moment and I am not thinking correctly. It is a transient state and I WILL come out of it and I WILL enjoy stability soon. Personally I cannot take anti-depressants as they tend to put me into a hypo-manic mood, now this is not the same for everybody this is JUST ME speaking and my Bi Polar illness. Consequently I am more prone to longer depressive moods. I keep a journal and I have posters in strategic places in my apartment that remind me and speak to me, if you like, that I am depressed and I am not well but I will get better and I will feel differently soon. It is hard at the time and sometimes I want to scream THIS IS HELL ON EARTH but my journal, the posters and my loved ones that I trust are also aware that I get these thoughts and reassure me that my mind is off key.

Education is essential, yes and that is what I did. This is an illness and it is not going away, there is no cure, it is cyclical and it is my responsibilty to myself and to those who love me to manage and control the illness so that I can live as normal a life as possible.......and it is possible.

Ok enough of me rambling along, look forward to our chat at the weekend, see you in chat.

Paddy