{{{{{{{{{{{{TPND}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

we HEAR and FEEL your pain.............
you are not alone and the feelings and issues you are describing are soooooooo familiar to beads............
life is a learning process........like you will be learning how to cope, react to others, etc. for the rest of your life.......beads does not mean to make you feel like a 10 year old by any means.........what is good enough? You exactly as you are.right NOW.........its not so much about what others think about us as it is what we think about ourselves because in the end thats what really matter.............yes, others offen are fickle .........like it is more important to be true to yourself an accept/love yourself..........it sounds like you are really discouraged rite now and beads wish her had a magic wand or knew the right thing to say that would take all of that away but there is not sigh......
as long as you know that you are doiung your best.....dont worry so much about what others think...iffen your best aint good enuf then that is thieir issue/problem..not yours..............as for the hatred towards your abusers an such, there isno easy answer there either.......all we can tell you is that holding bitterness in your heart towards others seems to have a ripple effect that causes us to also have negative feelings about ourselves..........that said, forgivesness IS difficult an this also takes time...........
PLEASSSSSEEE dont be so hard on yourself..........beads gets this from experience we can be our own worst enemy at time in expecting perection ertc.............an we tell you it is NOT worth it
can you do one thing today that is like being good or gentle to yourslef?
maybe do something that YOU enjoy or a hot bubble bath or a walk in the woods or the park? do you read? if so maybe you can get lost in a good book for awhile..............anything to take some pressure off a yourself, at least for a while................try to look up towards the light an know that beads will not let go of the life rope..............we are here for you
bead cares
pm us iffen you need to and hang in there............it will get easier as you learn and continue to try.REAlly it will
sending you warm, peaceful thoughts.hugs,

mary of beads