Hi,
New member, here. I have a much older brother who was extremely abusive to me (not sexually, but otherwise). I am 55 and he is 68. A number of years ago I decided to stop all contact between him and his family and myself. I tried to communicate this, and reasons for it, but it was not well received.
I'd caution you to keep your expectations low if you contact your brother. If he has never acknowleged his abuse, don't expect him to. If he has never apologized, don't expect that either. He may in fact, like my brother, use your communication to further abuse you by subtly or overtly continuing his abuse by the way he reacts. I mean, you may get some sort of reaction that claims you are crazy or unreasonable or irrational or terrible or something else unfavorable. I don't know about you, but I did receive this sort of reaction, and it made me feel like wanting to explain and justify myself and get sucked further into the situation rather than remove myself. I resisted the temptation, but it still bothers me, and it feels as if I did not get closure, since they obviously did not understand or accept me or what I had to say. So they are still in my head, darn it!

But if you feel you can deal with this sort of thing, then by all means go ahead. Just don't expect any sort of acknowledgement or validation.

Good luck! I hope it works, if you decide to do it. I do agree that we need to get our FOOs out of our heads if they are doing us harm. Easier said than done, though!

Take care, LizzyB