Quote:
Originally Posted by Berries
My T told my mom i had a future. My T told my mom he communicates with me in between sessions unlike his other patients.
This should make me feel good right?
It doesn't.
i am so depressed, OVERWHELMED by it.
What future is he talking about? i have no future. i am 43, live with mom, on disability, have no job, no relationships irl, romantic or friendships, no career in sight, no more school, so aspirations whatsoever. That is not going to change. How is that a future? What is he talking about?????? maybe, berries, he can see that you are getting better even if you don't feel that way now. when i started out in therapy i had no hope, was helpless to help myself. over time i began to improve thru therapy and meds. it didn't happen overnight. it was taking tiny baby steps even tho i was terrified of life. over time my outlook also improved. one day i turned around and i had a real life. i believe that can happen to you too. if u can try to just stay in today and not project for the future. that may help you not get overwhelmed. it's difficult to do this cause we're so used to feeling so bad. but do try...
And doing special stuff for me--communicating with me unlike other patients--just makes me feel pressured. That and that he thinks i have a future (whatever that means) overwhelms me, makes me feel like i am going to disappoint him BIG TIME. maybe in your next session you need to tell him how this made you feel. if you're not "there" yet i can certainly understand why this puts pressure on you.
jme, but for a long time i just showed up for life. i did'nt have any plans for the future i just showed up...depressed and all. i couldn't even envision a life for myself. i think maybe that's how you are felling right now and that's ok too. just show up for life one day at a time. the rest will follow if it's meant to be. you do have many talents you cannot 'SEE" right now. be kind to yourself and allow your self to just "be". you are worth it. 
i don't know what he expects of me. i just want him to keep me alive.
i want to tell him---Just leave me alone. But please don't leave me.
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please let us know how you are doing, k? we truly do care for you a lot.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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