hi, ohlindsay, welcome to PC!

Your post really struck me because you could be talking about me -- I went through almost exactly the same thing. I felt like my future was bleak, like I was doomed to forever go through the motions without getting any joy or satisfaction out of my life. Know that you're not alone in this, and I'm glad that you've come to PC!! Coming to this place is definitely a step in the right direction.

Have you been to see a doctor about the way you're feeling? I'm no professional, but based on my own experiences, you might be depressed. I'm currently on antidepressants and seeing a counsellor once a week, and both of those things have helped IMMENSELY. If you're not sure what to say to the doctor, maybe you could print out your post and take it with you to show him/her. It's a pretty good description, I think.

Lots of hugs. You're not alone in this and things can get better.